Club Champs 2013

It’s been a long time since I dusted off the old blogging hat and placed it firmly atop my head, much like the flat peaked caps in which my trendy consequences blogging mates have been styling in and around Cardiff’s elite high society, and in that time I have learned very little and done even less with myself.  

One of the few things I have done is that I have read blogs; from both TTC, STC and Procrastinate, and much like the theme of many of these blogs, I plan to continuously reference the ineptitude of the simpleton that is Jonny King.

And so our story begins on a quiet Friday night in Roath park….  We were discussing how, when and why we are going to Taf Bargoed for another polo tournament, because we all know that polo is terrible to play and even worse to watch.  The main topic of conversation was that Blondie had told everyone to meet at the ungodly hour of 8am, even though the teams didn’t kick off until much later.  Rob and I made the quick and easy decision to drive ourselves and to leave Cardiff at 7.45am aiming to arrive at around 8.15am, because we’re rebels and don’t play by anybody’s rules, not even our own.  Jonny made the decision to travel up with Tim and Max, who were leaving slightly earlier at 7am.  Immediately the discussion turned to everybody joking and laughing that he would never be organised and punctual enough to get to Tim’s by that time, but the night moved on.  We slack-lined and even attracted some local wildlife to our spot.  The type of wildlife that throws those little snaps on the floor which cause little bangs… or so Rob thought.

So Saturday morning rolls around and Rob knocks on my door, we get the car loaded up and start the journey up to Taf Bargoed.  We get about half way before we come across a little Ford KA on the road with a polo boat on top.  We speculated about who it could be and where they could have come from.  Knowing Jonny had a gay little Ford KA, but not knowing the reg or whether he had a boat bag we back and forth’ed for a while about whether or not it could be him…  and I guess you already know where this is going, it was him.  We found this out when he pulled into the parking area and we saw his dumb looking smirk through the window.  Later when we were giving him a bit of stick about it, he got a tad angry because he thought no one could understand that even though he hadn’t left enough time to make it to Tim’s, he had been clever enough and had the foresight to drive himself… but what he didn’t understand was that we were giving him stick for the fact that he is so inept that he had planned the wrong time to wake up and had to drive himself.  Just another Jonny moment.

Here he is.

Anyway, this is a polo blog with hints of a dumb Jonny blog, not a full on dumb Jonny blog (that’s coming later… Jonny The Consequences perhaps), and so we need to talk about that, however briefly it happens to be.  Cardiff had 3 teams in the tournament this year, the A’s and B’s in the main competition, and the C’s (Juniors) in the development league.  I was playing with the B team as I am returning from injury with Rob off of STC, Little Rob, Little Rob’s Dad Hugh, Zoe, Steve & Phil Darlington.  The A’s were Max, Jonny, Dylan, Dave, Harry and Matt.

The A’s had a pretty solid group with Viking A, Meridian B, FOA A and Meridian X, whilst the B’s had a slightly less challenging group with Aberfan A, Meridian E, FOA B and Welsh Warriors.

The A team did as expected, losing against Viking A, Meridian B and FOA A, but they did have a victory against Meridian X who were the whipping boys of their group.  This put them 4th (out of 5) in their group at the end of day 1.

The A-team and Harry going for the sprint.

Harry losing the sprint.

In the B team we started with Aberfan A (a national div 1 team) and we held them to a solid 12-0.  To be honest it was a kind result, if they had wanted to humiliate us I’m sure they could have easily got to 20, but they held back, toying with us like a toddler pulling the legs off a daddy long-legs.  I think we were all a bit disappointed not to get on the scoreboard, but they were too strong in defense (and attack and all over the pitch).  Next up we were playing the Welsh Warriors, a team made up mostly of older boys, but with nice boats (Dave Brown off of DB boats was in their team).  We should have beaten them, but we basically fell apart and ended up losing 4-1.  It was a terrible result and one we would later come to rue.  In our third game we were up against FOA B, a team mostly made up of skinny emo-looking teens, so we decided to use our superior strength (weight) to overpower them.  This worked very well in the first half and we built up a 3-0 lead, but in the 2nd half they changed their team and kept their strongest players on the pitch, and at the end of the game we only won 5-4.  Our final group game was against Meridian E, and they were also made up mostly of teens, but slightly older, thicker, slicker teens who rang rings around us.  We lost 8-1.

At least we styled our loses!

Following all our group games we had assumed that we had finished 4th, and were looking forward to a grudge match with the A’s the following day, but we found out that FOA B had scraped a win against Welsh Warriors meaning the bottom 3 teams had lost 3, won 1, which meant it was down to goal difference.  Our awful displays against Meridian and Aberfan meant we came 5th.  As the A’s came 4th, they were in the 9th-16th place playoffs, and we were in the 17th – 20th place playoffs.  No grudge match

I’ve got no idea how the C team did, they seemed to be playing well and having fun.

C-team looking sharp.

The rest of the day was broken up with sun bathing our marvellous bodies, Jonny and Zoe practicing hi-5's, and with numerous trips to the burger-bar; Aberfan’s policy not to charge too much for bacon and burgers is good for the wallet but not for the 6-pack.  Rob was back and forth like fat man to a buffet.

Practicing their hi-5's.

On the Saturday night we went to the park again to rest after the long day, and for a bunch of slackers we even had the ability to come up with a plan to order Chinese food and eat it in the park before heading off to the pub.  The plan was simple, much like Jonny, only this plan would work; Zoe would go to Robs house to get forks (and empty out), and Jonny would go on his bike to collect the food.  Everyone sorted out the money they owed and Jonny counted the money and confirmed that he had enough.  Zoe even gave him a pound extra just in case.  They headed off.  A minute later Fran pipes up wondering why Jonny had already left as he hadn’t given any money to anyone yet.  He must have been daydreaming about Zoe’s housemate because it was obvious that everyone was getting money sorted and Jonny was on his way. 

However, this isn’t a Fran bashing blog, it’s a polo blog with hints of a dumb Jonny blog (which we are now going to focus on).  A wise man once tried to count to infinity, and an even wiser one said it was impossible.  Jonny failed to count to 45.  So off Fran went on his bike to heroically catch Jonny up to give him the extra £10 to pay for the food.  Half-way to the Chinese, Jonny cycled past Fran shouting he was a tenner short.  It obviously hadn’t occurred to Jonny that Fran was there for that reason as opposed to going on a leisurely bike ride.  Jonny reminds me of a blind man in a dark room looking for a black hat that isn't there.  In the end the food turned up and or carbo-loading started for the following day.

The rest of the evening was fairly pleasant and uneventful, Dave Morgan made an appearance and we went to the Albany pub for a few drinks.

Sunday morning was much like Saturday morning, except with a hangover.  And sun burn (for Rob).

As we were only playing for 17th – 20th places we were demoted to the development pitch, which was shallow and full of pond-weed.  Every time anyone went over they came up looking like a swamp-thing bukake movie.  We were due to play all the other loser teams; Aberfan B, Meridian X and an Avon team, possibly Avon Y.

B-team greatness.

Before we even kicked off against Aberfan B we knew we didn’t deserve to be in this group as they asked us not to push over some of their players, and we must have been feeling generous as we abided by the rule, well… all except Little Rob who, like an enraged bull who has just caught a matador, saw a red mist and descended on one of the poor Aberfan kids.  We ended up winning convincingly 5-1.  After the game we found out that Little Rob pushing over the lad had scared one of the other kids so badly that they refused to play any more games and would likely never get in a boat again.  We followed this game up with another convincing win over Meridian X 8-1.  At this point we got lethargic and depressed about how we should have been doing better and drew against Avon.  17th place overall.  Embarrassing. 

London International 2013

And here is another Polo The Consequences post, its been a long time and now we are reporting the London International held in Bexleyheath. Cardiff had both a men’s and a lady’s team in this year, in the second and third divisions respectively. However as I find it hard enough to remember the games that I play in, there is no chance of me giving any detail of the girl’s games. For that you will have to chat to them.

We drove down (Morgan, Matt, Max and I) on the Friday evening, arriving at Danson Park (the venue) nearing 22:00 and slammed the tent up before heading to the marquee to have a couple beers before bed. This was nice and chilled as we didn’t want to get on it too much due to the professionalism of our athleticism, but the real reason was because of the early morning the next day. Boy did it feel early, with the alarm going off at 07:00 we all got to the car and into kit. With Avon X as our first game, we got warmed up and as though no time had passed the game had begun.

The team

Although this was our first game, we managed to keep our composure with a tight defence and pulled through to a delicious victory. This got us into good spirits and prepared for the following game against Avon B, who were going to be slightly tougher. However when it came to playing them we didn’t perform as well. In fact we were sloppy. Albeit a tight game to start with, we were pushing and not getting things correct, which Avon were taking advantage of. This lead to our first defeat of the day.

An hour an a half break gave us time to reflect on this, and this was achieved by baking in the hot sun. The weather for the weekend was mixed between too hot and drizzle. A mix of bacon buns and chicken fajitas, put on by Meridian Canoe Club, were what got the team through to the Nomad A game. Nomad were clearly the best team in the pool, and this showed as they had beaten both Avon teams with ease. Although we were being shown how to play polo during the game, we managed to keep our basics right and gave Nomad a run (maybe more of a jog) for their money. With a close scoreline at the end, I can't tell you exactly what it was due to my failing memory when it comes to dull sports, we had at least not made fools of ourselves.

Max on the bottom, as he likes it

This run of games put us third in the pool, and therefore in the bottom half to play the rest of the losing teams. When perusing the final pool placings, one could tell that the top two teams in each pool were the elite athletes who were fit and strong. The bottom half of the division was made up of the type of people you would find in a Krispy Kreme five minutes before it closes ordering their twentieth donut whilst crying at their chubby induced loneliness. However this now gave us a chance to win some games and the Saturday evening we were set to play Viking B.

This match was much more up my street, with the game resulting in a victory. This would set us up for a good evening, as what really counts in life is winning the last thing you do so your short term memory is satisfied. During the day the girls team seemed to do well with some victories under their belt.

The Lady's team

Saturday night started with a tasty curry, and was swiftly followed by a few beers. In fact it was more than a few, with Morgan and I up last out of the team. This wasn't because we were having jovial times (although we were), it was because Morgan made a bet that he would be up last and I was there to back him up. However as it goes Morgan folded early, and went AWOL. So I skipped merrily off to bed hoping that tomorrow would never arrive.

However Sunday came crashing down with an almighty bang, and oh how it was not welcome. I felt hideous. Staggering to the car to get changed, every footstep felt as though a hefty german man has giving me a head massage with a mallet. This was not setting me up well for the first game, which happened to be against a team of Canadians. This was an older generation team to put it diplomatically, and therefore were not made up of the quickest players. However what they lacked in speed the easily made up for in technical ability, and this is where they schooled us. 2-0 up near the beginning of the game I think it is safe to say our team may have been feeling cocky. However this gave the Canadians something to exploit, and they did. The game finished with one goal in it and the Canadians ahead. This didn't help the still hungover feeling I had, and back to bed it was. A wake up call came from Max, which felt only about 10 minutes later, but I was told it was a few hours.

Now we were to play Clapham, and this consisted of one of Cardiff's former team:

2 * V for Verräter, because that is what he is twice over

So this was a grudge match of the highest proportion. Cardiff came out swinging and got ahead early. A bit of back an forth, but we kept the scoreline in our favour throughout the first half. With Clapham behind in the second, they pushed hard, but we picked them apart and went on to win.

The weekend was a good laugh, and although it wasn't the best of results I had fun and I'm sure will be back there again next year.

National Div 4 - Cardiff Bs

On Saturday 2nd March, 7 players for the Cardiff B team went up to Cheltenham to play in the latest National Division 4 South West league tournament.

We had 4 games in total, the first of which was a victory. I can't remember off of the top of my head the name of the team we were playing, but it was a fairly positive start to the day. There were some clear signs of improvement from our previous team matches; players knew where to be and that keeping your cool was the best bet.

So the second game was against Bridgend. This was a game that really required a win, and was going to be the hardest of the four. The sprint was won by yours truly as you can see below. Usain Bolt would have had a tough time keeping up.

Rob Haley doing what he does best - winning!!!

Unfortunately this really is where the good things ended. The game was super scrappy, with lots of fouls not being called. I would like to say that the referees were just missing one or two, but there were simply too many during the game. To be completely impartial whilst writing, as I wouldn't want to sacrifice my integrity as a blogger, the fouls were not being called for either team. Bridgend took advantage more that Cardiff, pushing the boundary of what I would suggest is sportsman-like, yet it was a very young team and you can understand that they are still getting to grips with the fun of the game over purely driving for a win at any cost.  Cardiff's issue was with the fact that we were getting frustrated on the pitch, and this lead to missed opportunities, which we had many of. I believe the overall score was 2-0, and this reflected a loss of control from a team that should be at a stage that they can keep their cool.

The last two games were against Bristol Polarbears and Bristol Panthers. These were a couple of cracking games.

The first of the two games was against the Polarbears, which was a close contest. Cardiff was trying to play 5-out, which is essentially man marking. This has to be played very tight, otherwise it leaves the goal completely open for a shot from anywhere on the pitch. Although a slow uptake, the tactic worked fairly well. I'm not sure if fitness is the issue, or simply a lack of understanding, because the 'man marking' was fairly loose and this lead to some issues. This game ended in a draw. And in my book a draw is as good as a loss!

The final game of the day was against the Panthers, whom I believe were meant to be the better team. You can see one of their team (purple) in a sprint against the Meridian (black) side in the league below (this happens to be a foul. What I like about it is that he puts his paddle up in the last frame as to say 'I haven't done anything wrong here').

A cracking end to a sprint

This game was another corker, with Cardiff again attempting the 5-out play. I say attempting because the play we were running looked nothing like a 5-out should; with complete disorder from our team. However the Bristol team seemed unable to convert the chances they got (due to the poor defence/marking from us) and we happened to win this game, which was a nice ending to the day.

Overall I would suggest the day was a positive for the B team, we saw our failing from last time and improved slightly. Although we had issues this tournament, we can surely work on these for the future.

South West Division 2

Sunday 3^rd February was South West League Division 2, and unfortunately I have to write a post about it. Don’t worry, if you feel like you’ve gone as far as you can with this one already I wouldn’t judge you for leaving.

So it was a polo tournament, and the worst part of it was that my alarm was set for 0640. It went off this morning (Sunday) and I had this impending thought that it was Monday and that I had work. When I realised I was waking up for polo the thought transformed into a nightmare. I got a lift to Milfield School, which is the venue for the competition, with Phil. Now this school is something else, the grounds are huge and the pool is amazing. However there are creepy photos of the kids in the pool area; these photos are arty and look as though the photographer is chucking buckets of water around. Real weird.

The team I was playing for was Cardiff B, and we were playing a couple Bristol teams, a Bath team and then a couple teams that call themselves something other than where they’re from. I dunno why they do this, it’s not big and it’s not cool. It just makes them sound lame, an example being Ninja Beavers. I have Googled this however and there seems to be a significant amount of Ninja Beaver images:

Ha, a beaver wouldn't be able to tie a bandanna around it's head 

 So, the polo;

 Well this happened,

And then this, although this one is a foul

This chap reached for the ball, he may or may not have eventually got it.

This guy swam. If you played canoe polo you would know that this is embarrassing.

This is just a arty photo to spruce up the post

As for Cardiff; we won 2, drew 2 and lost one. However the one we lost was a scratch game, so in reality we won that one 3-0; isn't that exciting?

I would say that I hoped you enjoyed the post, but it would be comparable to asking someone who had just paid to see The Hobbit in the cinema whether they enjoyed that. They clearly wouldn't have, and the icing on the cake would have been the extraordinarily expensive ticket prices that cinemas seem to charge now-a-days.

Welsh League Div 1 - Second day

Today was the second Welsh League Division 1 day competition in Newport pool, and Cardiff had 2 teams involved. This year, as the B team was promoted, Cardiff has split its players across the two teams, so they are evenly matched. However, due to a few members other commitments, there was only 10 people in attendance. This meant each team had no substitutes. Cardiff A vs. Cardiff B was the second game of the day, and therefore we would see who the better team was. The team I (Rob Haley) was playing for consisted of Matt Creed, Matt Jenkins, Phil Stephens, Adam Voyle and myself.

This game was hard fought, and particularly close, however Cardiff A won (the team I was playing for, but I assume you already guessed that).

Our next game was Tawe, who are aggressive but we showed them who's boss. The first half we came out strong to take the lead, and by the end of the half you could tell who the superior side was. Although we reigned it in in the second half, we still won convincingly.

Our final game against Rhondda was tougher, but we still managed to get the win.

Cardiff Bs, consisting of Phil Darlington, Dave Morgan, Rif Malki, Dylan Dixon and a chap I haven’t met before; Harry Something-or-Other. This team had their second game against Bridgend. Unfortunately they lost this one also, but with the first half a draw, it looked as though it could have been a Cardiff win. Unfortunately they just fell apart in the second half.

You can see Dylan here defending the ball. (Well done Dylan, but it didn't help. You still lost)

Dave smiling here (not sure what about. if you remember, they lost this one)

They won their last game, which was the mighty Tawe.

Dylan again

This is that Harry fella. Looks like he just took a shot at goal

Phil D - lol

Now, I was having a look through some of the photo's that I was taking, and noticed I had a lot of Elan Winter (played for Aberfan, but also trains with Cardiff). I'm sure Freud would have something to say about this, but I think nothing of it. Here are some of the gems;

50 shades of Elan

Once again, an uninspiring Polo blog. Hopefully when Andy F mans up the blog will be rejuvenated. 

Welsh League - Div2- 06/01/2013

So it's the first day tournament of 2013 for Welsh League Division 2. Cardiff C's were set up to play, and got to the pool in Newport in plenty of time for the first game. However they realised one of the team members was not present. A quick phone call found him in bed with a hang over, leaving just four of them in Newport. With 20 minutes until their first game, albeit Cardiff Uni, this was not looking good for them.

This is when Rob Haley of Stuff The Consequences fame gets the call! It's basically the same as when Jim Gordan, from the recent Batman trilogy, lights up the Batman floodlight; Jim needed a hero to save the day, and so did the Cardiff team. Luckily for them I have nothing to do on my weekends (and I told Adam Voyle that I would play), so I was free as a bird. However I don't have roofracks for my car (Joanna), the reason for which is discussed here, so it was to fit a 3m polo boat in a 1.1 Citroen Saxo; Luckily I am an Engineer, making this child's play.

I turned up to the pool after Cardiff C's beat the Uni 7-3, so was a good start for them. The next Game was the better of the two Bridgend teams we were to meet. This game unfortunately didn't go as well as their first game. It seems that I was not much of a hero, but more of a drag leading to a loss. However the following game against Breacon was a convincing 9-0 victory for Cardiff. With the final game against the second Bridgend team, it was on. We came out victorious, with a scoreless first half, and an exciting second to see the score in the realm of 4-2 to Cardiff.

So overall 3 wins and 1 loss is a solid day. Now here are some photos taken using my new NIKKOR 55-300mm Lens, which are much more exciting that a match report!

Nice blurry background!

 

Stu of Cardiff Uni smiling (but probably not over a win!)

Zoe with her eyes closed (probably not textbook passing)

Luc looking like he may save a shot. (I will take away any suspense; the ball went in the net) 

Smiling again. Hhmmm, maybe him and Lucie had a special interlude

BlogThis!

Cardiff B's in Nationals

This year Cardiff B team has entered into the National Division 4 Canoe Polo League. So this means we're all lucky enough to have to play even more polo. Luckily I have nothing to do with the organising of this tournament, or any of the Cardiff B stuff to be fair, so all I have to do is turn up on time on the day.

Arriving at Cheltenham, which is where the tournament for the South West is held, I was actually feeling slightly excited, even though that morning I was in no way up for polo. I liken the experience to a prostate exam; even though there is a thrill and exhilaration to having a finger up the bum, pre and post finger is full of nerves and regret. I.e. Canoe Polo is fun while you're playing, but before and after it's as though you don't wanna go or you regret going.

So we got into the polo, and watched the first game. Well I say game, when you see a bunch of incompetent chumps paddling in an erratic display of cluelessness you can't really call it a game.

Chump shot 1

Luckily we were on the next game. Again I say game, I dunno what it was, possibly the fact that seeing a bad game made us play badly, but we were just as crap as the rest of the chumps in the pool. Its like the Canoe Polo association had managed to seal in a good proportion of morons, Cardiff included, but never managed to eliminate the lot through a good old terrorist-like attack. Fortunately we did win this game, although probably undeservedly.

Bridgend played after us, and as always they were actually a good team that could play well together. But our second game was against them. This really showed up how poor our polo is. Obviously we lost, mostly because we play like a rabbit in the headlights.

Chump Shot 2

Above is Meridian vs Bristol (or something like that), and our next game was against Bristol (greens). Now this turned out to probably be our best game. The first half we managed to use tactics, which is generally out of our realm. But it was working, we were 1-0 up. In the second half there was a drawing goal scored, so the decision was to play 5 out. We didn't play this very well, as man marking is not the forte for the team, but we got a goal to win the game, so a positive outcome from a good first half and scrappy second.

An actual goal

Our last game was against some team, I don't remember their name, but they weren't exactly good. And this is where my heart sinks, because we lost. (we didn't actually lose, it was a draw. But drawing to a shit team is basically losing. It's kinda like saying stalemate in chess is a draw. It isn't, in chess everyone losses, esp. in the event of a draw)

So that sums up a pretty crappy set of games by Cardiff B's. Hopefully we'll learn from this and actually try in the next comp.

Till then...